Confusing Thoughts of my Heart

Have you ever felt the sensation of being in-love? The feeling of care for someone at the extent that you even forget to care about yourself. Me? Maybe… I can’t say. My life has been a mess lately. What if I will just tell you the whole story? So, let me begin…

Since I was young, I did not really know that such a world, kingdom of love, exists. I was also not aware of the feeling people feel when they have entered such a place. I have been experiencing puppy love and the thing that totally confuses me is the difference of it from the real love. Maybe I am just too young for saying these things and I admit that I am having a hard time thinking if I will post this entry or not but then, let me just continue.
I only have one as of now. (Char! Mura gyud og naay daghan sauna.) To keep him confidential and to prevent me from being scandalized, I will just call him Mr. EGM. It all started last year and unfortunately, I forgot the date but it was, I think, the middle part of the Intramurals event. I did not really expect I would fall for him because that time I was really addicted with someone else. About someone else…Promise! You don’t want to know. It is a great shame but if you insist just approach me and please remember it is confidential. Ok! Sorry! I got carried away. So, where am I again?

Oh! So, then I was in the peak of my fantasy with someone else that I will just call Past. I was alone and thinking of all my heartaches and problems. It is just Past is very impossible to reach and that time some information leaked from my friends and a humor scattered. As a solution, I decided to find someone else as a temporary cover with all those issues. Then, I saw him. He was playing soccer with his team and I don’t know what came into my mind that I chose him as the replacement. As most people know me, I am out of my mind so I announced to some of my close friends that I got a crush on Mr. EGM but all of it was just a pure joke. However, it just so happen that cupid was listening and not intentionally, I fell for him. Why did I say such a thing? It is because I started caring for him. It happened in the Athlete’s Night. I thought he was crying and that I was dying to know why. At first, it never really occurred to me that it was care for him but as time passes, I then realized it was.

Time passed so fast that I did not know I am not just falling for him but I am also drowning. The worst part of this story is that some stupid psycho was talking about it and as what happened in my past, a humor also scattered. Oh! Why is life like this? So unfair!

Now, who cares? All I know is that I like him and even if cupid forgot to hit him with that arrow which means he doesn’t like me so who cares? All I know is that people are dumb sometimes and that they are so stupid they fall for someone that don’t like them and I accuse myself as one of them. No matter how my classmates tease him that he is ugly and everything and even I sometimes get discouraged especially when I saw his handwriting, I still don’t care. As long as for me you are perfect so you are and that is it!

I know you are tired of reading all my nonsense so I will just end it. Just a little message to Mr. EGM if in case you have read this (that is if you know I meant about). Just don’t think about it. Forget that I exist and don’t care in everything that I said. All I hope is that my mother won’t read this. So that is it. Hope you enjoyed. :-)